Email Brenda

Jessica Ransford went about her daily duties with a troubled spirit. Sam had only been home for a few weeks now after spending a year serving in the war against terrorism. She had been filled with so much joy at his return that she had thought it would be impossible ever to lose that joy! Yet, here she was, feeling disgruntled but not knowing why.

She found herself picking up after him in the bedroom and bathroom. “Who picked up after him while he was away?” she grumbled to herself as she put his socks and underwear in the hamper and hung up his damp towel.

“How can the addition of just one person cause so many more dirty dishes?” she complained as she loaded the dishwasher and discovered that they wouldn’t all fit.

“Does he really not know how to put a newspaper back together after he’s finished reading it?” she muttered while collecting all the sections and folding them together again.

After completing all her morning chores, she flopped down on the couch for a breather. She picked up the remote and turned on the TV. Instead of her favorite gardening show, she saw a sports program! “Ugh!” she said with disgust. “I forgot how much I hate to watch sports. Does Sam have to watch them 24 hours a day?” She flicked to “her” channel and watched for a few minutes, but still she felt discontented somehow. She turned off the television and tried to think of something else to do.

“I guess I could balance the checkbook. I saw the statement in yesterday’s mail.” She went to get the checkbook out of her purse, but when she couldn’t find it, she remembered that Sam had gone back to carrying it in his briefcase. Jessica gave a little stamp of her foot. “I handled the finances just fine while Sam was gone. What made him think he had to take over as soon as he set foot in this house again?”

The phone jangled. She hurried to answer it and found Kate on the line, wanting to bounce Thanksgiving dinner plans off Jessica.

“Oh, Kate. I don’t think I’m the right person to talk to right now. I am in such a sour mood!” Jessica distractedly ran a hand through her hair.

“What’s wrong?” Kate wanted to know.

“I just don’t know,” Jessica answered. “I feel grumbly and queasy. I don’t think even a pound of chocolate could make me feel better!”

“Are you pregnant?” Kate asked bluntly.

“No!” Jessica snapped. “Sam and I certainly enjoyed our reunion, but I am not pregnant.”

There was a moment of silence. “Well, I could play twenty questions,” Kate said, “but I won’t. If you want to know what is wrong, why don’t you pray and ask God to reveal it to you?”

That made sense – a lot of sense. In fact, Jessica had been neglecting her devotions lately. Sam’s safety and return had been her one really big prayer, and now that he was home, prayer had pretty much fallen by the wayside. Yes, she had thanked and praised God for his goodness that first week, but that had been the extent of it. She grimaced as she realized how neglectful she had been.

Jessica picked up her Bible and went to her chair by the window in the living room. Her favorite way of praying was with one hand on her Bible, recalling God’s many promises as she closed her eyes and prepared her heart to pray.

First she asked God to forgive her for neglecting her relationship with him. Then she told him how angry and frustrated she had been feeling. “Father God, please reveal to me the reason for my upset, that I might be able to understand and correct the problem. Please restore the joy to my heart.”

That afternoon after the children got home and dropped their jackets and books and bags all over the place, Jessica had to remind them to put their things where they could easily be found in the morning. “But not in the floor where we will trip over them,” she said. She was annoyed at the sighs and the slow action to obey. She asked Maggie how her day was and barely got a response. Caleb shrugged and asked for a snack. Brianna shut herself in her room to sing and talk to her dolls.

When Sam walked in after work, the place livened up dramatically. “Daddy’s home!” Brianna squealed, leaping into his arms. Caleb barreled down the hall and started jabbering about the amazing way he had played basketball during recess. Maggie was there, too, asking her father how work went that day and whether she could get him something to drink.

Jessica stood in the kitchen doorway staring out at the scene, and the dish towel in her hands got the wringing of its existence. She felt an almost overpowering urge to throw it! Then, it hit her. It all became clear. She was jealous! She was jealous of all the attention that Sam was getting!

She promptly burst into tears and hurried down the hall to the bedroom.

Well, of course that prompted concerned feelings on the part of the whole family. Jessica was aware of Sam’s murmuring something to the children before coming to the bedroom door and letting himself in. She turned her face away.

“Don’t look at me!” she managed to choke through the tears.

Sam sat on the bed and rubbed her back with one strong hand. She let him do that and felt herself start to calm down. Finally she leaned wearily against him and murmured, “I’m sorry I’m so stupid.”

Surprised, Sam took her chin and turned her face up to his. “What makes you say such a thing? What has upset you?”

Jessica couldn’t bear to look him in the face, and she pulled her face away. “I just realized how unimportant I’ve been feeling since you came home. You are taking over the things I used to do, and you are getting all the attention that the kids refuse to give me, and it just dawned on me when you walked in that I’m jealous of you,” she admitted with some shame.

“I’m sorry,” Sam said, taking her hand in his. “When I walked in, I felt like I’d never been gone. Falling into the old way of doing things was easy to do.” He shook his head. “I never considered how you felt about it. I just assumed you wanted me to take back my old responsibilities. You are the most important thing here!

“Anyway, I was jealous of you the whole time I was away.”

“You were?” Jessica couldn’t believe it.

“Sure! You got to be involved with the kids’ lives every day, you got to sleep in our bed every night, you got to be in church to hear good preaching every Sunday. I sometimes wondered whether I would be gone long enough for you and the kids to forget me.”

Jessica stared at him in astonishment. “You see how the kids fall all over you every time you come home! How could you think we would ever forget you?”

Sam hugged her. “You don’t know how much I need that attention. It is like water for a dry soul.”

Jessica shared her prayer with Sam. “God answered it within a few hours! Isn’t that incredible?”

Sam suggested that they pray for God’s wisdom and guidance as they struggled to adjust to being together again. Maybe that would be another quickly answered prayer.

As Sam prayed, Jessica felt peace flow through her like a river. Another tear trickled down her cheek, but it wasn’t a tear of bitterness or shame. It was a tear of joy, like the joy that had disappeared, and it came from the gratitude she had for a husband who understood the need for God to be at the center of their lives. As long as He was with them, they could survive any trial that came their way.

Copyright 2002 by Brenda B. Covert